Blake is Back!

» April 3, 2006 12:07 PM by Nicole

Robert Blake is broke and working as a stable boy at his friend's ranch. Times have been tough since being acquitted of murder, but Blake is revving up for a comeback. He's itching to return to his favorite pastime. No, not shooting chicks in the head! ACTING, of course!

We here at Mighty McPilgrim have come up with some possible projects for Mr. Blake. With powerhouse vehicles like these, he'll be livin' the Hollywood highlife again in no time.

V for Vendetta is still kickin' ass at the box office. So why not suckle on the teat of its success? Blake will resurrect his streetwise role of Tony Baretta. We've already been in touch with Fred the cockatoo. Apparently, he and Blake had a falling out in 1976, but he's willing to let bygones be bygones if the Wachowski brothers pen this script, too. Cockatoos LOVE the Matrix. Getting Bonnie Lee Bakely to commit may prove more difficult since she's deceased, but we've got three little letters that'll solve that problem: C G I.

As long as there's a hot actress screaming topless in front of a strobe light, David Lynch WILL DO THIS PROJECT. Blake will get to revive his role as the uber creepy "Mystery Man." Now, we realize that the film Lost Highway didn't exactly lure a wide demographic to the cinema, so we're adding the Highway to Heaven element to draw in the 55 and older crowd. Picture it: an ex cop, a probationary angel and a twisted voyeur with a video camera and horrorizing make-up will bounce from town to town helping people. Genius! Again, we'll utilize CGI for Landon & French since they're dead. It'll be just like old times.

Perhaps you've heard the buzz about Snakes on a Plane. Samuel L. Jackson is an FBI agent escorting an eyewitness on a flight from Hawaii to Los Angeles. Then, a crime lord releases hundreds of deadly snakes on the airplane in order to eliminate the witness before he can testify against him. Now that's scary. But I think 'Blakes on a Plane' one ups it. Just imagine a bunch of snakes. Now imagine a bunch of Robert Blakes!!! YIKES! Which would you accompany to Vitello's for manicotti?

And if anyone out there has further suggestions, we'd love to hear them. We'll put your submissions together in a slick portfolio and send them to Mr. Blake along with a Chocolate Chip Cookie Bouquet.