To Hell with Peace on Earth

» January 1, 2006 2:54 PM by Awol

Contrary to my personal beliefs of the last 27 years, I realized something this past Christmastime: I may be the only person in the world that doesn't want peace on earth. Let's face it: at least we're keeping the idiots busy.

If we, as a globe, weren't so fixated on systematically invading and killing each other, the idiots would have nothing to do. Then where would we be? So, this holiday season let's pause to consider the terrible things that could befall us if Rumsfeld & company had more free time:

• Would they put "Family Matters" back on the air? Or launch a new show centered solely on Urkell?
• Would they spend the next ten years releasing redesigned dimes to commemorate America's past Federal Reserve Chairmen?
• Would they launch a reality show about pitching reality shows, called "Crazy Pitches?"
• Would they notice that Ann Coulter and her ilk make them sound even more idiotic then they actually are? And, if we're lucky, would they execute her?
• Would they give Adam Corolla yet more work?


• Would they realize that the purported "War on Christmas" is their own?
• Would they redistribute defense budgets to provide a national health care? Or maybe to pay teachers?
• Would they realize that Intelligent Design strips almost all of the beauty and miracle out of intelligent life?