A Tighter, More Compact Comedy

» January 18, 2005 3:05 PM by Ryan

It would seem that certain individuals have seen fit to release a manifesto swearing to rebel against certain longstanding priciples of good comedy. These individuals report to speak for Mighty McPilgrim as a whole, but do, in fact, not. We remaining members reject the oppression of the Dogmeh 05 collective, and form our own Compact.
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IN YE name of The Funny, Amen.

We whose names are underwritten, the Loyall Subjects of our dread Soveraigne Mighty McManifesto, Dogmeh 05, by ye grace of The Funny, of Larry, Moe and Curlie, Groucho, defender of ye Pun, &c.

Having undertaken, for ye Glorie of Ye Funny Ha-Ha, and Advancemente of Ye Funny Strange, and Honour of our Mighty McManifesto, a Voyage to Toss a Pie about Ye Face of said Manifesto at ye Present, solemnly and mutually in the Presence of The Funny, and one of another, covenant and combine ourselves together into a civil Body Slapstick, for our better Wacking and Clowning and Miming of ye Ends aforesaid; And by Vertue hereof, to enact, workshop, and frame such just and equal Ordinances through Anvils, Mustaches, Peels of banana & Pans of Frying, from time to time, as shall be thought most meet and convenient for the general Good of ye underwritten, unto which we promise all due Slipping and Falling.

In WITNES whereof we have hereunder subscribed our names at Bronson betwixt Hollywood and Sunset the 14 of January, in the year of the Reign of our dread Soveraigne Mighty McManifesto, Dogmeh 05. Anno Domine 2005.

Jakobe Whiteman
Ryan Gandish

In devotion to this McFlower Compact do we here pledge:

1. Ye sketch as ye know it, is not a sketch. Nor is it ye skit. It is now and shall forever hence be known as ye Sket. If ye think S.K.E.T. acts as Acronyme for Slapsticky Kooky Entertainment Treatise, ye are sorely correct.

2. When undertaken to serve ye Body Slapstick with a proper Fall Gag, or Farte Joke, Plot and Characteres may be suddenly contrived, but must follow Predictable roles of ye All American Family with ye generale kooky but Highly Moralistic Squabbles and/or Squas.

3. A Sket may comprise no longer than the Half Parte of an Hour, submitting therein three Properlie Spaced breaks for Visits to ye Toilet.

4. If there be no Jester, there be no Jest. If there be no Clown, there be no Funny. Always have ye Clown, Pirate, Robote, Unicorne, Monkeye, or Homosexuale.

5. Strivance to repeat Cliches and Comic Staples is paramount. Take my good Wyfe, for example... Please! Originality is ye Workshoppe of ye Devil and will only yield Pain... unfunny Pain... and Brimstone... firey Brimstone.

6. Each line of ye well-scribed Sket shall be concluded with a Boom and a Ching, so the Congregation shall know when to Laughe & Applaude. For this, ye Comediane of merit will do well to hookup with an Injun who can play the drums.

7. Bananas are for slipping upon, Pies are for taking in ye Face. Ye inverse shall yield Dire Consequences. Banana Pies are for all tyme forbidden &c.

8. John Carver hath a stately Name, but not a funny Name. All unfunny Names shall be foresaken for kooky, nonthreatening Monikers... like Shecky, Chumley or Squanto.

9. Never shall ye joke of Scurvy.