A Christmas Cry

» December 14, 2004 12:20 PM by Nicole

Quick! Pass me a tissue! My boogers are mixing with my tears and the nasty snot-paste congealing on my upper lip could be bad for my skin!

It seems that lately, I start sniveling at the drop of a hat. No joke. My hat fell off me the other day and landed in a puddle of stanky muck. I burst into tears.

This month I have the blues. Why do I keep weeping like a chubby schoolgirl trying to pretend that the carrot she痴 eating for lunch is really a piece of moist, frosting-smothered cake?

Is it because my sister just announced that she痴 engaged to be married? No, that痴 joyous news. Perhaps I知 a little terrified that the bridesmaids' dresses will be a hue of orange that will make my ass look like a bulbous pumpkin, but I知 still thrilled.

Is it because I知 going to see my family for the holidays? No. I知 happy about that, too. I don稚 have many updates for them. My greatest acting achievement is still convincing them that 的知 doing great! Things are really happening.� But that痴 not why I致e been blithering and blubbering.

Is it because Christmas has lost its magic? Maybe. Yeah, maybe that痴 it.

In Albertsons market, I see one elderly Russian lady mow down another elderlier Russian lady with her shopping cart. Does she really need to speed toward those mini-marshmallows? She doesn稚 even apologize.

But...it痴 Christmas.

On the highway, I watch a man with a 糎ar is Not the Answer� bumper sticker flip off a mom in a minivan filled with kids because she isn稚 going fast enough for him.

But...it痴 Christmas.

In the crosswalk at the end of my block, I witness a man in a black Mercedes REPEATEDLY honking his horn at the crossing guard as she escorts kids on their way to school.

But...it痴 Christmas. Isn稚 it?

Greed. Impatience. Rudeness. It痴 like any other time of the year. I try to put on a holly jolly disposition and spread some joy, but it feels fake. It痴 like when they force the employees at Winchell痴 Doughnuts to wear Santa hats. Nobody wants to be at work at 4:30am wearing a MANDATORY Santa hat.

So, I知 all weepy. I知 sad. Television and movies taught me that Christmas was a special, magical time. It痴 hard to believe, but television and movies LIED to me. Christmas feels like headaches and debt and stress.

I wonder if three ghosts will come and visit me this weekend to teach me the true meaning of Christmas.

If they do, I知 totally gonna cry.