Travel Journal - Day 5

» October 13, 2004 10:20 AM by Nicole

Day 5 - Final Entry
Tuesday, July 19, 2004

AU REVOIR TRUCKEE (AND THE CAR) - Jessica was a tad sentimental. She had fond memories of that car. In its prime it was a fine machine, ripping along the 101 and smoking just as much as its owner. Hearing the slimy, squirrel-screwing, Natty Lite-drinking, backwoods a-hole at the 76 use the verb, “junk” over and over again made Jess glum. She bid the car farewell, then turned to me and said, “Her spirit is already gone. It’s just her body now.” Go and head toward the light, car. Take that Highway to Heaven where there's no METRO busses to get in your way.

A TEN-HOUR TOUR - We packed up the rental car and waved goodbye to Chris the burnt clerk, his dog with enormous testicals, the delicious artichoke dip of Madigans and the river that Jess fell in. I never thought I’d be THRILLED to be heading to Utah. It was a ten-hour drive to Salt Lake City. We drove through a lightening storm. Watching the lightening bolts shoot down from the sky, I thought, “EEEEGADS! THIS ONE’S GONNA HIT A ROCK, WHICH WILL HIT ANOTHER ROCK WHICH WILL CAUSE A LANDSLIDE WHICH WILL FALL ON OUR RENTED SUBURBAN AND WE’LL BE BURRIED ALIVE BEFORE WE GET TO RENO!!!” Thinking these things might actually make them occur. Then, as sweet flute music plays, Amy Irving will lay flowers on the rock pile that holds my crushed remains and my bloody hand will come punching up through the jagged rubble and grab her arm! Such a good movie. The Piper Laurie speech when she starts shrieking, "I smelt the whiskey on his breath...and I LIKED IT. LAWD HELP ME, I LIIIKED IT!" So good. But I digress...

ALAS - Our flight was to take off at 11:30pm and get to New York City by 6:30am the next day. We arrived at Salt Lake City Airport and there were no agents to help us at the Jet Blue desk. The sign said, “Be Back at 10pm.” A skycap came by and told us to use the automatic check-in kiosk. We went over and put in our flight info. The machine spat out a piece of paper that said:

ALAS...SOMETHING IS NOT RIGHT. PLEASE ASK A JET BLUE AGENT FOR ASSISTANCE.

What strange joke is this? “Alas”????? Who says , “alas”? Alas Ye Maidens, thy plans hath been thwarted. Forsooth! As we waited for the Jet Blue desk to open, Jessica became increasingly alarmed. “What are we going to do? I can’t believe this!” Can’t you, though? Can’t you?

JET BLUES - I decided to call customer service for Jet Blue and get to the bottom of this “Alas” situation. I spoke with Corrine who told me that our reservations were made for the prior evening. I laughed out loud and said, “Of COURSE they were.” As I told Jess, she hid her head in her hands and sobbed a large sobby sob. I smiled and started telling Corrine of our vexed voyage. Corrine is an angel and if I liked the name better, I would name my first born after her. She booked us on a flight leaving that evening for a nominal fee, even though it is airline policy to charge full price. Thank you, Corrine. You light up me life with plane tickets for New York City. A million and one thank you’s.

Everyone on the plane thought we were drunks the way we were ordering nips. HA! Drunks would have given up and settled in Truckee. We are alcoholics with motivation! The plane did not crash (SURPRISE!) and we made it home.

This concludes my travel journal for my wonderful/awful/wonderful trip. People often ask me, “Will you ever try to drive across the country again?” I'm gonna say, uh, NO! Not in a car. In the future, we’re going to be traveling in tubes, anyways. When the tubes are in place, perhaps Jessica and I will try this again. Speaking of tubes, the South Park with Lemmiwinks the Gerbil was the final one we got to watch. It also deals with a death defying quest to a place almost as perilous as Truckee.